Know Your StarsKingdom Hearts Torture!
by Halcyon Disturber
Summary: Sora,Kairi,Sephiroth,Yuffie,and all the others muahahaha!I will torture them all!Guess who is first the pretty boy who is pretty annoying that all the girls want! MUAHAHAHA!Rating for language and violence. My second fic! CH 5 UP FINALLY!
1. Chapter 1

Know Your Stars!

Kingdom Hearts torture!

Disclaimer:

Me: Today as a special guest for my first funny fic (Fangirls squeal as the guest comes on stage)

Riku: Agh! Ansem where are you! I can here you!

Me: Shut-up! Ansem isn't here besides his name is Xehanort!

Riku: Ahaa! There you are in the announcer box!

Me:Touch me and you die a horribly painful death.Now read this then shut-up!

Riku: Umm RoxasRoxOutloud what? I beat his ass at the skyscraper thingy!

Me: READ THE DAMN THING!

Riku: RoxasRoxOutloud does not own Kingdom Hearts or it's characters or FinalFantasy and it's characters.

Me: Good now since you're the first one here you'll be my first victim!

Riku: Uhh ok?

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Riku walks on stage and sits in the dark room on a conveniently located chair.

Riku: Hello?

Evil voice: Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!

Riku: What the hell?!

Evil voice: Riku…when he was posessed by Xehanort

Riku: Ansem!

Evil voice: They said it was Xahanorts heartless in the second game you retard!

Riku: Oh.

Evil voice: Riku…When he was posessed by Xehanort he liked when he got spanked.

Riku: WHAT?! WTF!

Evil voice: Were you being a bad boy Riku?

Riku: I don't know what your talking about!

Evil voice:Sure you don't.

Riku: Shut the (Interrupted)

Ev:Moving on!

EV:Riku...He likes playing with his 'keyblade'.

Riku:Wait...!OMFG Your Nasty!

EV:I'm nasty?I'm not the one that plays with my 'keyblade'!

RIku:I do not!

EV:Sure you don't.

Riku:I swear I'm gonna kill you!

EV:Will see 'keyblade' master

Riku:#$#$&$!

Ev:Riku…he is the son of that fag Sephiroth (no offense to sephy fans)

Just then Cloud comes in.

Cloud:I knew it!

Riku: He's lieing don't listen to him.

Cloud:HARAGHHH!

Cloud swings his weird broken sword and Riku goes flying out a window and dies a horribly painful death. (YAA:D)

EV:Well I wasn't planning it but now I'll torture you cloud!

Cloud:Sephiroth is that you!

EV:No I am the great announcer voice person dude guy!(lol)

Cloud:OK?

Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!

Cloud:There won't be fangirls here will there?

EV:Shut-up and listen!

Cloud:OK Gees!

EV:Cloud…He chases after Sephiroth because he is in love with him.

Cloud:What!? Ok what are you on?!

EV:Well I aint on top a leon!

Cloud:What?

EV:Cloud… he did the nasty with leon

Cloud: I did not you freakin prick!

EV:How was he cloudy?HAHAHA!

Cloud:OMFG You will die you demon spawn of saitin!

EV:Cloud… He(Interrupted)

Cloud:He's getting a little pissed off!

EV:No.

EV: Cloud…He is so dirt poor he can't even afford a good sword.

Cloud:What are you talking about this is a great sword!

EV:Then why is it all bandaged up?

Cloud:Cause it looks cool that way!

EV:Sure….and I'd drive a crappy car cause it would 'look' cool.

Cloud:It isn't the same thing!

EV:Oooook whatever you say.

Cloud:That's it! I'm done!

EV:Wait!

EV:Hmmm who's next?

Just then a boy with spikey brown hair walked on stage.

Sora:Hello?Kairi?

EV:Oh this'll be good!

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Lol I already have a whole crap load of stuff for Sora hope you people liked it if I get at least…5 reveiws I'll do the next chapter Sora and Kairi MUAHAHAHA! R&R Plzzzzz!


	2. Kairi's anorexicSora's big ass hands!

Ch2/Kairi is anorexic and Sora's big ass hands!

Me:Hello again despite my 5 review thing I've decided to post up a new chapter if I get at least 3 reviews from now on as long as one of them is from a new person or at least every 5 days if no one posts. Anyway

Whoo special guest lemee do my happy dance.

Sephiroth:Hello have you seen Cloud?

Me:Read this first and I'll tell you.

Sephiroth:RoxasRoxOutloud owns jack and he will never own anything more in the field of video games.

Me:Thank you on with the-

Sephiroth:You didn't tell me have you seen Cloud?

Me:Nope.

Sephiroth: Than you are of no use to me.

He brings out his like super freakishly long sword and lobs my arm off.

Me:Ow! Ok people while I go and get major surgery sit back and enjoy the fic ow ow ow.

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Sora comes on stage and sits down in the dark room.

Sora:Hmm this is where the ransom note said Kairi would be hello?

Know Your Stars Know Your Stars Know Your Stars!

Sora:Kairi is that you?

EV:No I am the mighty announcer dude person guy !

Sora:Oooooooook? Wheres Kairi?

EV:You'll get her back when I finish!

EV:Sora…He has some big ass hands!

Sora:What? No I don't!

EV:Then why is it that whenever you and Kairi hug your hands cover her entire back?

Sora:Because she's anorexic!

EV:Ok moving on.

EV:Sora…Everyone hates him.

Sora:What? Everyone loves me I saved the world so ass holes like you could live!

EV:Well how do you know they aren't lying?

Sora:Just shut-up!

EV:Anyway.

EV:Sora…He is really a girl in boy clothes.

Sora:What?! I am not! If anyone looks like a girl in boy clothes it's Riku especially if he didn't have those muscles!

EV:Fine Riku and Sora are both cross dressing little girls.

Sora:Shut the #$ up!

EV:Sora… He-

Sora:He is leaving!

EV:Wait aghhh! Now who am I gonna torture?

Kairi:Hello Sora is that you? Did you come to get me?

EV:Oh ya I forgot she was here!

EV:Kairi…

Kairi:hello?

EV:She is anorexic.

Kairi:What?! Look I don't know who you think you are but you better shut your face! I am not anorexic!

EV:Then why do Sora's hands cover your entire back when you hug?

Kairi:Because Sora has big ass hands!

Sora: (somewhere a little ways away )"I heard that!"

EV:Haha!

Kairi:Shut-up!

EV:Ok moving on.

EV:Kairi…She is the worst fighter in the world.

Kairi:I am not the worst if anything it would be Pete that fat flob can't even bring up good heartless!

EV:Ok sure whatever you say anorexia.

Kairi:I AM NOT ANOREXIC!

EV:Kairi…She is very shrill and I think she just broke one of my eardrums.

Kairi:Good I hope I did!

EV:What was that? Sorry anorexia could you repeat that?

Kairi:That is it I am so far gone!

EV:No stop I must to torment you!

EV:Ok who is next (mumbles names)

EV:Aha! Here is a good one! Is there an Auron in the building?!

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I always wanted to do an Auron one hehe this one will be the best yet! R&R plzzz and make sure I get 3 reviews at least! Peace people!


	3. Auron is a jerk and namine can't draw

Chapter 3 Auron don't like being messed with and Namine can't draw

Me:Well hello Thanks to the Fred and George twins for being my new reviewers ok for chapter 3 I want 4 reviews because I got 2 reviews for chapter 2 I don't care if the person is new or not but I want 4.

For all of you people reading this I want you all to read my funniest fic in my opinion called "Kingdom Hearts on Crack" Read it review it enjoy it.

Me: Anyway hello there Today as my special guest.

Leon: Hello It's great to be here.

Me:Sup Leon you ready to read the disclaimer?

Leon: RoxasRoxOutloud is far to poor to own anything that has to do with video games so why don't you get off his back…?

Leon:Doesn't that sound a little harsh?

Me:What? No you panzy!

Leon:Oh what you callin me a panzy?!

Me:I aint callin you for dinner!

Leon:You wanna go bitch?!

Me:Ladies first!

(Thud Bump Crash Bam Bop Pow Wham Tink)

2 hours later

Me and Leon:Can we go now?

Therapist:Not until we find the route of this problem.

Me:The problem is he's a wuss!

Leon:The problem is he's an ass!

Both:ERRRRRRRRRR!

Therapist:Calm down you to now tell me what happened RoxasRoxOutloud what did you feel when you slugged Leon?

Me:A dull thump.

Leon:Oh that's it!

(Smack Bam Boom Bop Pow Wham Wham)

Me:Wait can I start the fic first?

Leon:Hurry up!

Me:Enjoy the screwed up goodness!

(Wham Boom Bang Bang Bang Bop Kapow etc…)

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Auron calmly walked onto the dark stage and sat down

EV:Know your stars know you stars know your stars!

Auron:That's right.

EV: Auron… He likes to see people suffer.

Auron:Actually that is partly true.

EV:OK? Auron…He uhh?

Auron:What's the matter? Can't think of anything?

Me:No! Umm Auron he liked Tidus more than a friend.

Auron:Oh please if I'm going to sit here and waist my precious time I was at least expecting some good material.

EV:Shut-up! Auron he umm-

Auron:Evil voice…He is as retarded as they come.

EV:What?!

Auron:Evil voice…He picks on people because he is small and insignificant.

EV:Now wait just a minute!

Auron:Evil voice…He screws his momma!

EV:What?! Why you I'm gonna-

Auron:Gonna what? Talk me to death?

EV:Oh you little!

Auron:If were done here I'll be going now.

EV:Ya you better walk away!

Auron:What was that?

EV:Nothin.

EV:Great now what'll I do?

Namine walks on stage and sits down to draw.

EV:Thank you lord!

Know your stars know your stars know your stars!

Namine:What?! Who's there? Is that you Roxas?

EV:UGH! No I am the great announcer voice dude person guy!

Namine:Ok?

EV:Namine…

Namine:yes?

EV:She can't draw for shit!

Namine:What?! Hello have you seen my drawings?

EV:Ya they look like a 2 year old did em!

Namine:What they do not!

EV:Oh really?

Namine:Ya whatch I'll draw a picture of you!

Namine draws an ass.

EV:Aha aha your so funny.

Namine:Like your face!

EV:Ha aha!

Ev:Namine…she is an evil witch who will fade into darkness.

Namine:Am not and no I wont!

EV:If your not a witch than why did you fuck up Sora's memories?Hmm?!

Namine:I had no choice Xemnas would punish me if I didn't.

EV:Oh ya 'punish'

Namine:What?

EV:Namine…she like having sex with Xemnas!

Namine:What?! I did not!

EV:How was ole' MANSEX?

Namine:Ole' Manse- I mean Xemnas and I never had sex.

EV:Oh ya because you and Demyx did!

Namine:No!

EV:Sure are his fluids dancing inside of you?! MUAHAHAHAHA! Dance water dance!

Namine:Your gross!

EV:At least I didn't screw with Demyx!

Namine:Oh my god I'll kill you!

Namine screws with Evil voices memory.

EV:Hello little girl who are you and who am I?

Namine:You're a little girl who is going to screw Demyx.

EV:Okie-Dokie!

So the evil voice goes to the world that never was.

(Far away we here Demyx) "Damnit Namine! I'm gonna kill you when you get back!"

Namine smirks and starts walking away she then turns around and says "Anyone else wanna fuck with me?! NO?! I didn't think so!"

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Me: There you go chapter three done!

Demyx:So you like to mess with me huh!?

Me:Calm down Demyx it was just a little joke!

Demyx:Dance water dance!

Me:AGHHHHHH!

Demyx traps me in a big ball of water and leaves

Me:(Holding up a sign that reads "Read and Review!")


	4. Mansex'

Ch4:Mansex

Disclaimer:

Me:Hello yes I know it's been awhile but at least I'm updating right?

Anywho another special guest!

Axel:Hello?

Me:Hello Axel you wanna read my disclaimer?

Axel:No I don't wanna read your icky disclaimer got it memorized?

Me:Oh my god I hate when you say that!

Axel:I don't care! Got it memorized?

Me:Damnit I'm not screwin around shut-up and read the disclaimer!

Axel:You can't make me! Got it memorized?

Me:If you say that damn phrase one more time I'll loose the fan girls on your ass!

Axel:You wouldn't dare!

I reach for the extra screamy fan girl button.

Axel:RoxasRoxOutloud owns nothing about Kingdom Hearts!Got it memorized?

Me:That's it!

'Click'

Crazy fan girls:Oh look, Axel! We love you!

Axel:I will make you pay for this!

He is swarmed over with fangirls.

Me:No one can defy my power! Those who do suffer a fate worse then death! MUAHAHAHAHA!

R&R PLZZZZZ!

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Xemnas walks on stage and sits down to plot evil schemes.

Know your stars know your stars know your stars!

Xemnas:What the Fuck?!

EV:Xemnas…His real name is Mansex!

Xemnas:What the hell?! You little bastard my name isn't Mansex!

EV:Yes it is!

Xemnas:No it isn't!

EV:Yes it is!

Xemnas:No it isn't!

EV:No it isn't!

Xemnas:Yes it is! Oh Shit!

EV:HAHAHA!

Xemnas:Shut-up!

EV:Xemnas…He screwed Namine!

Xemnas:What?! That would be child molestation!

EV:How was she ole' Mansex? HAHA!

Xemnas:I will kill you and drag your soul into darkness!

And my name isn't Mansex!

Just then Namine walks in.

Namine:Do I have to teach you another lesson in punishment?!

EV:No oh supreme great overlord of evil Uhh!I meant Greatness!

Namine:That's what I thought.

She walks away.

Ev:Back to the point. Xemnas…He screwed with D…

Demyx walks in and busts out his sitar.

EV:Uhh D…Do…Donald! Ya that's it!

Demyx walks away.

EV:God damn how am I gonna have any fun?

Xemnas:I did not screw that gay squeak toy duck!

Donald walks in.

Donald:Take that!

He fries Xemnas into dust with thundaga and firaga.

Donald:Now who's gay?!

Donald walks out.

EV:Aww poor Mansex. :D

Then an ominous voice is heard from nowhere.

Mansex:It's Xemnas! And you better fucking change my name back to normal!

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Their you go chapter4 outta here next chapter is "Bigrax" MUAHAHA! Look at the orgy names if you don't know.


	5. Ch5Bigrax

"Bigrax"

Disclaimer:

Me: Hello everyone ! I know I know, I've been gone for a million years, but I'm back now right? Well anyway it was just real hectic at school but I'm back and ready to write err…type. I promise I wont ever take that long to upload a new chappie again. But now I need someone to say the disclaimer so…

Sora: WTF?! Why would you think I would read your disclaimer you ass-hole?!

Me:Because This is the fan-girl summoning button, and if you don't do as I say, I shall push said button, releasing crazed sex hungry fan-girls on to your helpless key swingin' ass.

Sora:You wouldn't dare!

Me:Ha! Try me, you see that pile of goo over there? That was Axel because he didn't believe I would do it either.

Sora: WTF?! Why wouldn't you think I would read your disclaimer you awesome dude?!

RoxasRoxOutloud does not own Kingdom Hearts or anything to do with it…I don't wanna be torn apart by fan-girls!

Me:Good, but I'm bored so 'click'.

Sora:OMFG! There are thousands of them!

Crazed sex hungry fan girls:OMG! It's Sora! Lets get him and force him into a dark quiet room!

Sora:AGH! 'tearing and ripping noises' Its like being attacked by zombies! I'll get you Rox-AGH! My clothes!

Me: 'looking at the messed up stuff' OMG! That is some seriously messed up stuff right there!

Sora:They're going to tear me apart!

Me:Well at least you wont die a virgin!

Sora:Kairi is gonna kill you for this!

Me:Kairi is ok with it, 'cause she isn't gonna die a virgin either if ya catch my drift :)

Sora:I'm gonna come back and haunt you 'till the day you die!

Me:Ya well, with my writing I'm sure some other people will come and kill me soon so just save yourself the trouble.

'RIP'

Crazy sex hungry fan girl: I got his head!

Me:HOLY SHIT…did I leave the sink running?

Enjoy the messed up goodness! R&R PLZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

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Xigbar walks on stage and sits down in a chair.

Know You Stars! Know You Stars! Know Your Stars!

Xigbar: Dude! I think I just shit myself!

EV:Xigbar…his real name is Bigrax!

Xigbar:WTH?! My name aint Bigrax dude!

EV:Does Xemnas stare at 'em? HAHAHA!

Xigbar:I don't have any you dip shit!

EV:Bigrax…the-

Xigbar:My Name aint Bigrax you ass wipe!

EV:As I was saying, Bigrax…the reason he wears that eye-patch is because he shot his eye out with those guns.

Bigrax:Hey don't blame me that dick-head Demyx was messing with my guns and he did this!

EV:Oh sure blame the obvious idiot on your own stupidity.

Bigrax:I didn't shoot my eye out dude! AND YOU BETTER CHANGE MY FRIGGIN NAME BACK TO NORMAL!

EV:Well, ya definitely have the shrill voice of a women.

Bigrax:I DON'T HAVE A CHICKS VOICE DUDE!

EV:My ringing ear-drums would say differently.

Bigrax: CHANGE MY NAME BACK DAMN YOU!

EV:Ok ok, god!

Xigbar:I'm 'outta here. I wont sit here and be called a chick by some weird dude.

Marluxia: Oh Xiggy,the guys are wonderin' when you and your gals are gonna dance for 'em.

EV:AHHA! I totally new it all along!

BIGRAX:It aint what you think dude! And I thought I told ya to change back my name?!

EV:But this one suits you batter!

BIGRAX:I swear to god I'm gonna kill you for humiliating me like this man!

EV: Ya well, Doesn't everyone?

Ev:Hmmmmmmmm…who'll be next? 'looking at list' HaHa! This'll be too easy!

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Next on my to-screw with list, is a secret XD You'll just have to wait and see.


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